I still live with my parents… but I don’t see any sense in doing it as long as the time goes by.
I moved back for loads of reasons, thinking I could make it, I could improve our relationship… but I realise, once again, that’s impossible. They will never change, and I am not going to be their slave nor accept some of their ideas which they intend to impose me nor accept somebody being SO rude* with me.

Now, I am just thinking (once again) when will be the right moment to leave and how I will do it. It’s going to be unpleasant anyway. I’m not sure if I will be completely clear with them yet. Should I express my feelings or better not? I must be careful… but I’m tired of being so careful.

In the meantime, AB tells me that has a lot of work. AB’s going to bring work at home (yes I feel more at home with AB than in my own family house), and says that while being alone is not that bad to fill time with bussiness rather than leisure. I feel worse.

However, I am a bit afraid of another crisis*. It’s not because I am going to be depressed, I think I am a little bit now, it is because I have to experience a lot of presure when these things come up. I am always the guilty, everybody blames me and I have to struggle to carry on, without feeling as they see me.

Regarding the very first point of this post; whether I am ungrateful or not, it means the following: Sometimes I think that I owe so much my parents, my education, the time spent with me, affection… So there it comes the next question: Then, why is this situation taking place? Maybe it is my fault. I promise I do not do it on purpose. do not actually feel any good with all* this. I don’t feel ungrateful, in fact I feel very grateful about a lot if things they’ve done for me. Nonetheless, I don’t feel they have the right to behave as they do just because they are my parents.

* Further explanations will be found in the next post -hopefully-.

This last year I met a lot of people, some of them, exceptional. I admire them, and they made me think a lot. Some of them had my age (or younger) and speak several languages or have amazing knowlegde or have lived so many things or have experienced things I have never imagined…

I have several friends who speaks 3 or 4 languages, how many I can speak? 2 and a half= Rubbish. I have some friends who practice a lot of things and they are great students, what about me? I get horribly stressed if I have many things to do.

And so on.

Those facts have led me to change my pace. Therefore, nowadays I signed up to learn russian, I arranged with a friend of mine some individual french conversation sessions, I’m working at uni and I also decided to practice Kung Fu. Yes, my agenda is very busy, but I can’t miss anymore everything I can discover everyday!

Unfortunately, there are two barriers. They are merged in one: Myself. When dividing they are: My will and my ability to cope with stress. I can say this simplier: I am very LAZY and sometimes I get stressed so easily. But now I’m thinking… It’s lazyness. I use to get stressed because I don’t do everything which depends only on me in time.

Also, all of this depends on my mood. Sometimes I’m full of energy, and sometimes, I just don’t feel in the mood… I must overcome myself.

To start, I suggest you to have a look at my Introduction. Thus, you’ll find out, for instance, what am I going to talk about in this corny blog (pink, flowers, hearts… it is nice but it has an explanation too).

First, truth to be told. After that, we can start. Be ready!